chav nativity
Posted: Dec 6th, '05, 13:06
someone just emailed me this, thought the grammar-and-punctuation police on here might like it 
>>THE CHAV NATIVITY:
>>
>>There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)
>>She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe,
>>innit?
>>He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn
>>Nazaref.
>>One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin
>>at?'
>>Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's
>>totally
>>gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I
>>ain't no
>>Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'
>>
>>So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone
>>herself.
>>Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers
>>an' that.
>>
>>She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I
>>reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that
>>we
>>are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'
>>
>>Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey,
>>an' go
>>dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to
>>stop,
>>yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.
>>
>>But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break
>>an'
>>enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an'
>>sheep
>>an' that.
>>
>>Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns
>>on
>>their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say
>>they're
>>wise men from the East End.
>>She goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein
>>an'
>>myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all
>>about
>>to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another
>>message
>>from this Lord geezer.
>>
>>He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the
>>bay-bees.
>>You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you
>>think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'
>>
>>Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you
>>stay.' So
>>they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an'
>>it's
>>safe an' that.
>>
>>Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns
>>water into
>>Stella.
>>
>>
>>HAPPY CHRISTMAS
>>THE CHAV NATIVITY:
>>
>>There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)
>>She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe,
>>innit?
>>He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn
>>Nazaref.
>>One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin
>>at?'
>>Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's
>>totally
>>gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I
>>ain't no
>>Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'
>>
>>So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone
>>herself.
>>Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers
>>an' that.
>>
>>She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I
>>reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that
>>we
>>are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'
>>
>>Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey,
>>an' go
>>dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to
>>stop,
>>yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.
>>
>>But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break
>>an'
>>enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an'
>>sheep
>>an' that.
>>
>>Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns
>>on
>>their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say
>>they're
>>wise men from the East End.
>>She goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein
>>an'
>>myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all
>>about
>>to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another
>>message
>>from this Lord geezer.
>>
>>He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the
>>bay-bees.
>>You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you
>>think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'
>>
>>Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you
>>stay.' So
>>they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an'
>>it's
>>safe an' that.
>>
>>Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns
>>water into
>>Stella.
>>
>>
>>HAPPY CHRISTMAS