South West Bikers | Motorcycle Forum

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
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Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling inAustralia ?"

Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ".
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:

"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".

Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
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Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".
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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):


Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"

Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

My god you get some right planks in this world

That bottom one is great.

LMFAO at the bottom 1

I don't think they are real.

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

I phoned 0700 2300 and it said number not reconized. I don't think somebody would have continued to phone that number for another 2 days with it giving the same message.

Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.

And on the last one with a power-cut, how is the phone working?

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".

Also I don't think this is a stupid question because my computers a few years old and when you put its clock back it will remember what files were on the computer then.

erm....

Phones can work without electricity

As for putting the clock back ... it won't edit your files back to the state they were in at that time/date

I used to be a software trainer - even if they're not real, they're close to some comments I've heard ... there are some people who really shouldn't be allowed near pc's

Jak wrote: Phones can work without electricity

<Pedant mode on>

They still need electrickery, just that its supplied within the phone cables from the exchange.

<Pedant mode off>

to kinda pacify 'pedant mode' above, all telephone exchanges have a back-up UPS system backed up by a standby generator with normally enough fuel to run the exchange for a good couple of hours.......so there!!!

The backup keeps phones running.
And turning the PC clock back does f-all to files, doing a restore to an earlier point would however.

P.s. I have one of these new fangled 'mobile' phones, can work for days at a time without being plugged in. Someday they might even catch on.

And turning the PC clock back does f-all to files, doing a restore to an earlier point would however.

I think thats what I mean. When you move it back it says do you want to restore your computer to this point in time or something. I have never done it though.

CvPiper wrote:I have one of these new fangled 'mobile' phones, can work for days at a time without being plugged in. Someday they might even catch on.

Phones with out cables. ...you're 'avin a laff.

Whatever will they think of next

lol at the last one. you ever been tempted to phone these customer service poeple and pretent that you have a problem and just be really dumb about it to annoy them

They are good, and i can understand the directory enquires ones!
I had some right numptys ring me
"Excuse me sir, could you tell me what day it is? Is it Wednesday or Thursday?"
Me "Its Friday"
Them "OH Sh"t really? I'm late for work"
Me "Well the time is 2000 if thats any help"
Them "Thats great, I missed work"